Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Even my vagina gasped.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
