side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
