she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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