i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
