I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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