i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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