should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
