May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
