His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
