Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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