the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't think brook has ever known best
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
