my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
