oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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