best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
