I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
