Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
