guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
