I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Little spoons don't ask big questions
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
