I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
