too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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