I want to have your abortion
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
