I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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