you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
