maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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