I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
