WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
