I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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