Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
