Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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