got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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