Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
