wanna go halves on a baby?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
