I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
