Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
