At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
