After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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