i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
