I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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