I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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