Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
