She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
