new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
