You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His hands were made for my vagina.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
