how can u be prego again
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
