You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Found your dick twin last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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