well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
