we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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