Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
