i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
