After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
