She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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