that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
